I woke up an hour earlier than I usually do on Sunday mornings because my confirmation class was at 10. I groaned and moped but still, I got up. I arrived at church to find out that my pastor had actually canceled class. He told everyone but me. I was furious.
So angry that I wanted to curse at the top of my lungs even though I was standing in church (on a side note, I believe cursing is bad but it is not more bad if you do it in church. Church is a physical location but the spiritual context can exist anywhere, not solely within those four walls). I stomped my feet and fumed until he finally showed up. I did not hesitate in raising my voice and shouting, “Why didn’t you tell me ahead of time that class was canceled?”
Pause. I understand he’s a pastor and an adult but his position nor his age can excuse his inability to be responsible.
Play. I continued to berate him while he shrugged his shoulders and gave meek excuses. Finally, he saw the chance to escape and quickly walked away before I could open my mouth again.
I wish this confrontation could have diminished my anger but no, I was still furious. Even more, actually, by the fact that nobody in the youth group had the courage to defy him. Everybody complained but nobody acted.
Passive-aggressiveness will get you nowhere in life. It’s an oxymoron in itself. How can you live a life of hypocrisy? I cannot, which is why I do stupid things like shouting at a pastor. I understand there is a certain hierarchy in every aspect of life but do not expect me to adhere to those conventions.
I will call you out. I will make a fool out of myself so you understand how foolish you look as well. I will not hesitate to speak my mind.
You cannot stop me. Invisible social structures cannot stop me. Unless you decide to clamp my mouth shut, I won’t shut up. Instead, I’ll turn to writing in order to get my point across.
I am not upset because you made a mistake. I am upset because everyone allows you to bypass it.
If you really love someone then you cannot let them slip through life. You cannot accept their excuses.
God loves unconditionally but if you preach the gospel but cannot take responsibility then he, too, will call you out. He is a mighty God but also one that instills fear. He is not a push-over who you can simply shrug off.
A life of hypocrisy is lived by all, but only few will escape it.
I wish to be one of the few.
Even if I am alone.