Pause

I should be ecstatic. My last IB exam was yesterday and all I have left are final projects which are manageable. I also finalized plans with my prom group (finally!) and confirmed financial aid details with my school. I have checked almost every item off my to-do list yet I still feel uneasy. There’s this nagging feeling that won’t let me properly relax. It’ll dupe me into thinking I’m fine so for three hours, I’m at peace. Then as soon as the hand reaches twelve, I can feel it returning. Feel it in my bones.

I’ve felt this way for a very long time. A constant bundle of nerves and worries. Expecting a day off but hit with another 14 hour shift before I can take a breath. Always on my feet and even when I’m laying down, my mind is always rapidly firing messages about this chore and that task.

Sometimes I worry about how much I worry. I’m concerned by my amount of concerns. And terrified by the fears that chain me.

Always on pause. Any progress made is thrown out the window by a sudden regression.

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