Safe, Warm, and Content

Tomorrow marks the first day of college and I feel nervous, terrified, anxious, and frankly, scared shitless. I’m worried about finding my classes, meeting new people, learning how to “school” again but essentially, my biggest fear is fitting in. It’s learning how to adjust and be “normal”. However I’ve learned this past weekend that there’s no need to fit in. I don’t need to succumb to the pressures of drinking, partying, and letting loose. I may be judged for staying in my dorm but I am also judging those who stay out until the wee hours of the morning. I don’t want to go to college so I can be like everybody else or do what they do. I don’t want to mindlessly tag along with the cool kids. I don’t want to always have to be with someone. I want to be alone. I want to be independent. And most importantly, I want to be myself. So that’s what I’m going to do. Tomorrow morning, I’ll show up to classes as myself and whoever likes me will stay by my side and those are the people who will make me feel safe, warm, and content.

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