Afterwards

“I miss you” is hard to say because you have to admit two things.

  1. You are important enough to me that I feel your absence.
  2. You make me feel whole when you’re present.

I don’t like to say “I miss you” because I become vulnerable. I have to admit how important you are to me. You learn that I care about you.

And that’s terrifying because what if you don’t feel the same way? It’s just me missing you and my absence goes unnoticed because my presence was never noted.

When anxiety creeps up on me, I hide. I avoid it. I withdraw. I run away into myself. I become this empty shell and it takes me a while to return…

I don’t know if I want to come back anymore.

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